Self Sabotage

I've surmised that inherently I'm a self saboteur,
The most elated I've ever been,
But to be desolate I must prefer?
To jeopardise the kindredness we share,
The loving, solidarity and care,
Whilst remaining all to aware,
To be without you I can't bear.

The mere notion, the idea,
It's now abundantly clear,
That I must alter my persona to keep you touchingly near,
For I long to clutch you in the warmth of my arms,
To shield you from heartache, pain, sorrow, and harm.

The sole recipient of my affections,

The object of my adoration,
Yet when I treat you unkindly,
You become the catalyst for contemplation,
Of introspective quarrels,

Loathing within,
To refrain from adorning you with tenderness I perceive as a sin.

I'm sorry,
Don't worry,
It shall not happen once more,
For the way I feel now is incomparable to before,
In the time preceding,
Self worth gradually receding,
Unaware all I was needing is you in my life.

Aspire to dispel this temperament,

Which is to mine and your detriment,

For with infatuation towards I am pervasive and rife.