Recluse

Gaze with intent at the London skyline, sublime.

Hazed with the fervent aura of the denizens of my time.

Scurrying beneath the cascade of inummerable lights.

Hurrying to beat the rush hour and the encroachment of night.

Dusk is descending upon this menagerie of diversity.

Performing their daily rituals, withstanding monotony, adversity.

Cursory peek at the inhabitants they walk amongst in their trance.

Faceless suits, who if they cared to take more than a glance.

Would realise that this anonymous suit has a face.

The same one they skulk past each day, this very time, this very place.

Each gazing at the pavement beneath them as the capital passes them by.

Content and intent to get home to their lives.

If they stopped for a mere moment to notice the ecclecticity all around.

They would appreciate the cosmopolitanism this city abounds.

The array of lives, characters, stories a plenty.

But the passers by bear no significance, hollow shells, empty.

To all this I bear witness from my one bedroom home.

Through a picture sized window, in my kitchen alone.

I remain resigned to watching them from a distance, appalled.

For if I were to venture into their world I'd exchange pleasantries with them all.

Dreams

Awaiting the emergence of that worthwhile endeavour

A resurgence of that determination thought never to be felt again.

That pleasure, of harbouring ambition and drive

To pursue a successful path, to aspire and strive.

Latently present, never quite rising to the surface

What wonders life will bring me, I've yearned to unearth this

Clear dreams and aspiration experienced as a child

Dreams that possessed no boundries, be the next Dickens, perhaps Oscar Wilde.

Blissful naivety immersed in my imagination

"Be anything you wish to be" was my mantra, my incantation

Limitless aspirations as my mind wandered and soared

Amid the realms of prosperity, reaping countless rewards.

Dreams that fall by the wayside as you stumble through life

Bear witness to the eternal suffering and strife

That surrounds you and corrupts the innocence of childhood

An innocence dispelled with imminence, laid to rest on the pyre wood.

Become all too aware of the world's vulgarity

Begin to cast doubt as to whether these dreams can ever realise any clarity 

Occurrences beyond your control gradually dilute these dreams

As the fabric of wishes you wove as a child begins to tear at the seams.

Life appears to have hit a plateau, not moving but wading

The future you once envisaged now colourless, in the distance fading

Irrevocability you've lost the ability to aspire

With everyday that passes you begin to falter and tire.

Hoping to drift off into a slumber where these dreams are rekindled

Where that slightly torn fabric is now tightly spindled

But the realisation is that you always awake

These transparent dreams never become palpable, opaque.

But remain elusive, not conducive to the life that you lead

For the more that you dwell on them the less you take heed

Of the reality and hardships of the world in which we live

Of the necessity to laboriously work and to give.

Your all, your utmost to succeed and achieve

To take critique humbly, learn from mistakes and believe

Wake up and stop dreaming for the path before you lay steep

But you cannot begin to climb it whilst you remain languidly asleep.

Lily

Fluorescently blossoming, never lie dormant
Amiability and prosperity your decorative adornments
A superficial beauty that's mirrored within
With that of a rosebud you are certainly akin

Fervour of exuberance and vitality in abundance
Lend light to any room you enter, the antithesis of redundant
Exude effervescence from deep down inside
Preclude that your essence shall never subside

Absorb radiation from those you acquaint
Attract adoration, yet your self appreciation remains faint
Ethereal and full of zeal, you float amid the breeze
Permeate within me with nonchalance and ease

The mere sight of you causes ones heart to flourish
My love and affections you cultivate and nourish
An acquired taste, but with impatient haste I'd pick you from a million
While most prefer roses, I choose you, my glowing Lilium

Violence

Violent tendencies can be attributed to many a different notion
Social deprivation, neglect, want of a better way to vent emotion
Frustration, isolation, rumination to hard to bear
A sense of being stifled arousing within whilst one remains unaware.

Encroaching is the lecherous demon ever present
Manifestations of suppressed anxiety, plagued adolescent
Overt action imposed upon those around one, a release
To avert the reaction inside that opposes internal peace
Intrinsic conflicts too difficult to comprehend
A longing to escape the self inflicted boundaries, atone and amend
For outward aggression, perpetual supression, concession I am beat
Spurred by obsession for continual progression, alas the confession of defeat.

Encroaching is the lecherous demon ever present
Now visible signs of anger, pupils enlarged, phosphorescent
No justifiable reason to encourage this state
So pliable is one's temperament, no ability to placate
Pervasive corruption of a yearning to be perceived
As an amiable individual, revered and well received
Attempts to appear so outside the confines of the home
Compounds the intensity of emotion when resigned to being alone.

Encroaching is the lecherous demon ever present
Containment becoming less plausible, violent urges now incessant
Inept to recognise the symptoms that are brewing
The imminent eruption, abruption now ensuing
Indignation aroused by innocuous occurrence
Yet within one's mind adept to proffer assurance
For degeneration, the downward spiral into violence
And so at the point of no return, preceding the storm I've reached the silence.

Violent tendencies can be attributed to many a different notion
Social deprivation, neglect.. I want a better way to vent emotion
Frustration, isolation, rumination to hard to bear
Find a better way of coping, for this is causing me despair.

Self Sabotage

I've surmised that inherently I'm a self saboteur,
The most elated I've ever been,
But to be desolate I must prefer?
To jeopardise the kindredness we share,
The loving, solidarity and care,
Whilst remaining all to aware,
To be without you I can't bear.

The mere notion, the idea,
It's now abundantly clear,
That I must alter my persona to keep you touchingly near,
For I long to clutch you in the warmth of my arms,
To shield you from heartache, pain, sorrow, and harm.

The sole recipient of my affections,

The object of my adoration,
Yet when I treat you unkindly,
You become the catalyst for contemplation,
Of introspective quarrels,

Loathing within,
To refrain from adorning you with tenderness I perceive as a sin.

I'm sorry,
Don't worry,
It shall not happen once more,
For the way I feel now is incomparable to before,
In the time preceding,
Self worth gradually receding,
Unaware all I was needing is you in my life.

Aspire to dispel this temperament,

Which is to mine and your detriment,

For with infatuation towards I am pervasive and rife.

Free

Inhabit my mind and body in it's entirety
Cling to your every utterance with devotion and piety
Society, may ostracise me for not conforming to their rituals
An aspect of my demeanour I deem to be habitual
Unalterable individuality, personality pervaded by duality
In search of some clarity, disparity between my neurosis and my sanity
Attaining self validation through validation from yourself
Tendencies of volatility, opposed by serenity and tranquility
Conflicting emotions of which I have a wealth
Clear sightedness, cleansed perception, a clear direction
Unhazed mindset I attempt to beget, whilst refusing to forget
Unmitigated regret for the heartache upon you I've beset.

Inhabit my mind and body, we are one entity
Ethereally ascending, our attachment blissfully transcending, we are meant to be
Together we will attain enlightenment, entitlement to just be
Emancipation from restriction, we commence our voyage to be free.

Soulmate

Unhappy and discontent are states of mind to which I have become accustomed,
I would say that I don't merely tolerate them, but over time have grown to trust them.
Seemingly the pursuit of 'freedom' from the burdens of my mind,
Is the burden in itself that has not enabled me to find,
An escape from the oppression in which I impose upon myself,

Austerity successfully concealed within, with overwhelming stealth,

Tiresome, emasculating,
Incessant ruminating, contemplating.

I crave an outlet to convey emotion, an infatuation of my heart,
To replace my anxieties and so from discontentment depart,

Furtive seeking of that purposeful sense,
That the despondancy of not unearthing has become all too intense,
In turn going through the motions, mere existence and not living,

To do so with the gift of a life is undeniably unforgiving.

Alas giving in, throwing in the towell,
Casting a cynical eye upon the world,
A bitter, resentful scowl,
Resigned to the fact that this void may never be filled,
This chasm within my essence,

Corrupting my sense of being, stifling my presence.

And that ever elusive contentment to be secure with who I may be,
That long sought after yearning to be free,
I never understood what it was that could be missing,

Perhaps we shall be reacquainted one day to plan a future together and enjoy reminiscing,
About a previous life together to which we must have been a part,

For I refuse to believe that the intensity of the feelings I harbour,

Can only be the start.

It never occured to me for one moment, until acquainted with my fate,
That you were the missing component all along,
My completion.

My soulmate.